out again

So after I wrote last night, Rita calls me downstairs. Once again they're fucking me over. They want me out. I ended up taking another pill to sleep and didn't go to work this morning. I'm devastated. While this wasn't the perfect arrangement, it was working. Or so I thought. Now I feel so depressed I can't take it. I told Anthony. He and Karla decided I can take her car so I can use my money to get a new place.

Joel mentioned just out of nowhere last night that there's another apartment in their building. It must be bigger and have a tub because it's $1,000 plus utilities instead of including utilities. If I can, I will do that. I'll be in Derby -- I'll hate being right on 34 but I guess I have to learn to like it. And I'll never trust her again. Never!

Ok. she just texted me. Its not in her building, it's next door and it's not open yet. That means security, probably.

Anthony and Karla came and got me. We went to her house and they cleaned out her car. Then we went to the Waterbury Mall for breakfast at Ihop and then back. I have Karla's car now.

Then I called the landlord and talked to him. It's the same guy and I reminded him that he told me if he had a place and I changed my mind ... I told him I did and wanted to see the place. He said he'd leave the side unlocked so Laura could show me. And it's $750 and I have to pay my own utilities. So Laura and I went over. I like it. It's filthy but they're supposed to be cleaning it and he said it should be ready Friday. So I'm giving Laura a check tonight so Joel can give it to him. At first I was going to give first month and half the security and owe him the rest. He's ok with that. But I have the whole $1,500 so I'll give him that.

And I can't find the envelope I have addressed to Yvonne with the money order in it. Now I'm going to have to write a check for $200 and send it to her and lose the money order money. Cripes, I can't do anything right. I know I didn't mail it because I got it yesterday and Darmish didn't have a stamp. Yesterday was Sunday. I looked everywhere five or six times including my trash that I didn't throw out for a few days. The only place it could be, if I didn't totally lose it, is in with all the envelopes of stuff I gave Anthony of his mail. I hope that's where it is. He's going to look when he gets home.

Found it! It was in my book -- I looked there but didn't see it then I saw it peeking out. Geez! I've had a dumb ass day thanks to doubling up on the sleeping meds last night. I have to remember to call Anthony tomorrow and let him know so he doesn't go looking for it. And I forgot to give Joel the check for the rent and security -- I'm paying both in full. I'll have to give it to him soon.

And I'm feeling weird -- relief. I wasn't happy being stuck in one room and being nagged constantly but I was happy that we mended fences, etc. So I'm hoping this move will take care of me. I need to be free. I told her I love her but I will not ever speak to her of this again. Ever.