Moving stuff

I moved the big plastic shelf out of my bedroom back onto the sun porch where it used to be. If they're leaving I need to rearrange and make space in here. My room had everything I owned in it except my kitchen and pantry stuff. So I'm at least moving stuff into that room, hopefully a bit organized and then after I'm alone I'll arrange some more.

I'm almost finished with Last Wool and Testament that I'd gotten through interlibrary loan. This author, Molly MacRae, literally makes me laugh out loud. Too bad she only has one other book in the series, Dyeing Wishes, and I don't think it comes out until next month.

Lazy day

Met Yvonne for breakfast at the diner then went to Walmart for headache supplies. Hopefully the headaches will stay away now that I'm fully stocked up and I won't have to take any.

So I still want to stay here if possible but Yvonne told me that Peggie's rent fell through and she's going to ask me if I want it. I'm going to refuse and tell her maybe in the future if I can't stay here and it's still open and if I can take Pino. I don't know what I should be doing but I want to stay here if I can. She also lost Lizzie but she was renting two rooms in her attic with use of her bathroom and kitchen to Lizzie for $600 a month PLUS utilities. Now that's insane!

Headaches

I live with them always but Oh My God my head won't stop hurting now. I've been eating tylenol and advil and anything else I can get my hands on and it's not stopping.

Knocking on wood ... it's finally gone. Hope it stays gone!!!!

So I just heard Peggie rented her apartment so that's good. One decision that I don';t have to make. I would really like to stay here and will do my best to do so.

Seriously pissed

Ever since I upgraded with ATT to the best of everything, including internet, the internet has sucked and so has tv. I'm going to try to remember to call them because I pay way too much money for this!!

Locked my keys in the jeep yet again today. I hope this isn't going to be a regular habit of mine!

Still there

Whoever is filming at the Opera House was still there when I drove by after work. I'm curious! I don't think it's just a paranormal investigation.

Went to the library and picked up two books that came in that I had requested. I'm almost done with the last Sookie book. I'm going to miss that series.

That's about it for today. It's been hot and humid but if I could be fine last year, supposedly the hottest in recorded history, then this is nothing. I went to bring Pino out twice so far and will go back around 10 because Anthony might not be home tonight. While I was sitting outside with the dog, a black SUV was kind of stalking Anthony's house. I didn't like that. I don't know what was up with that.

Polka and Opera House

Went down to the Green and met up with Laura and Joel for the concert. Unfortunately it was Polish music. It's about the only music I can't stand. LOL!! But I did enjoy being there.

Someone is filming something at the Opera House. Very hush hush -- I wonder what????

Heat wave

Yesterday was in the 90s as is today and they say the rest of the week. I'm praying that I am able to take the heat, now and forever, the way I did last summer. I don't know why or how but last summer was amazing for me. The heat didn't bother me at all even though they said it was the hottest in recorded history. And I really can't believe that. But so far today I am miserable. Even my fingers are sweating. Hopefully whatever I had last year that made me tolerate it fine, will kick in soon.

LOU! Where ARE you?? Are you happy? This is YOUR weather!!! I miss you so much.

One on one

So I went down to the lodge to meet Jerry and we talked. I told him I have nothing against anyone and I just am opting out of all the drama. Whether or not he agreed is something else but he did say he did understand. I told him he does not need to read my email on the floor and I certainly wasn't going further with it. I said I'd like to be allowed to come to functions and stuff. He said he accepted my officer resignation but not membership resignation. I don't think he has a choice in the membership part but I said ok.

Now I just need to figure out why the hell I join all these things knowing damn well that there's going to be drama and I'm going to end up leaving. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!1

Movies and memories

I went to Newtown with Peggie and Lizzie to the movies to see Oblivion. I definite wouldn't want to see it again. It was ok. Morgan Freeman was good.

Peggie's got people looking at the apartment tomorrow so her offer was really short-lived. Can't blame her though. The place has been empty for a very long time. God will provide for me when the time comes.

For some reason I had a memory of my cousin Vincenzo's dimple. How weird is that. Hadn't thought about that probably since I last saw him in 1970! The dimple in his cheek isn't really a dimple. It's a scar from something that happened -- can't remember what. But it looks so much like a dimple that no one would know it isn't one unless he told you.

It's Friday

Supposed to meet with Yvonne for breakfast tomorrow and maybe work on the newsletter if she has all the stuff. Then Jerry wants me to go down Sunday for a one-on-one. I told him fine but I won't be changing my mind. I wonder if he's worried I'll go further. I have no reason to. That's about it!

How to feel

Anthony has to be in Wyoming on July 18th for interviews and stuff. I'm so excited for him and scared for me and happy for him and, of course, worried about him. That's so far away. North Dakota will be after that providing all goes well. But if they want him to go to Wyoming -- travel across country -- then they must be going to hire him! I can't believe that both of my kids will be so far away and I'll have no one.

Ok I can't really say I'll have no one but I mean that I've had one or both of them so close for so long and now they'll be gone. I miss them so very much already. But this is what's best for them and for me right now I guess.

Amazing

So I tried and tried to leave all this stuff in God's hands and yet I can't stop from fretting and worrying. I told Him I'd leave until the end of this month before I even thought about it and now all of a sudden things are popping up.

Peggie offered me a rent at $950 including heat. Stove is electric so electric would be for stove and lights and stuff. Hot water is gas. She said just first and last months rent and I told her I can't do that since I have no money but she said we'd work it out. I'm very tempted. I told her I'd let her know in a few days. If this is the plan for me then God will let me know. I asked Carol when they're leaving and she said on or before August 1st.

Anthony filled out everything and had me email it to the oil company so if he gets that job, he'll be gone too. I will have to worry about my Pino though. What will happen to him? I'm sure God has a plan for that too. I sure hope so.

I want to talk to Anthony about this but I think it's the thing I'll have to do.

Just talked to Anthony. He's counting so much on getting the job. I'm praying he does. He is supposed to be paying $1,350 where he is. If I go there I certainly can't pay that much but if it would be ok, I could pay the $900 there and even if he doesn't get the job, he'd have his place. Just with me in it. I don't know. He said he's calling the lady tomorrow. I hope so much he gets it. He needs this so badly. And he told me if he gets it I'd have no worries anymore because he owes me a bunch of money.

He doesn't know that my worries are mostly for him and his sister and their relationship and their health and well being. God takes care of me even though I worry about myself too. I sound like a holy roller or something today but it's not that. God is so much a part of my life that I don't have to talk about Him constantly like the crazies do. He just Is. But I can't do this or write about this without mentioning Him, ya know?

Rainy days

The sun was out all day and now it's been raining the past hour or so. Thunder but no lightening. I love weather! Life is good no matter what -- nature makes me happy. I sound stoned even to myself. LOLOL!! But I'm not.

Rainbow day

Anthony got an email with all the paperwork to apply for the job out West and for motor vehicle checks and stuff. He says if he got that far he's pretty sure he'll get the job. I hope he does because it's something he needs. I'll miss him terribly. I'll miss Carol and Allena and their Anthony terribly. But if it's going to work for all of them then it's something that needs to be done.

We had a little thunder and a downpour and then big sunshine and a rainbow!

I finally finished watching Merlin and I cried and cried. Why would I even start the series when I knew how it would end. I was hoping that since it was a young Arthur that they would end it before the end. *sigh*

Forgot

I just noticed my future son-in-law posted that only Carol and his mother wished him a happy Father's Day other than his sister. I wonder if it's a Southern thing? Because I wouldn't think of wishing anyone a happy Father's Day that wasn't a father/father-figure to me and same with Mother's Day. I never wished Allen a happy Father's Day and he didn't expect it from anyone but his kids. So much I don't understand!

I woke up sore as hell today. LOL!! Either I need to start exercising or I need to stop volunteering for things where I am on my feet a lot.

Went to see Anthony and Pino and then ran to the grocery store to pick up stuff that Carol had gotten to. Later I might make blueberry muffins and I bought minced clams to make clam fritters at some point this week.

Bone tired but in a good way

Went downtown by 6 a.m. What a beautiful day for Derby Day! The sun was shining but the air was dry and breezy. A perfect day weather wise.

I helped guide people to their parking spots and then we had the rest of the day pretty much free.

Tommy showed up around nine and it was so strange -- he said that our old classmate, Larry, was pastor of the Congregational church. How weird is that? I didn't believe him so we went over and sure enough, Larry's name is up on the board as pastor. So Tommy asked people if he was there but he wasn't. We definitely decided that it's OUR Larry. He also has a band that will be doing one of the concerts on the Green and you better believe I'll be there. LOL!!

Chontelle was there selling stuff for the Young Marines so I spent a lot of time with her. Walked around a long time with Cyndi. Gary and Fran were doing stuff for Center Stage and Margaret came down and we went and watch Dan talk at the Opera House. I really like Dan. Anna's daughter was there selling her beaded stuff and Lisa's son and daughter-in-law were there selling their stuff. Diana and James and the girls (not Sam), Michael and his girlfriend, Anthony and Diana's dad were all there for a while. Rita was there.  It was a family day for me.

Anthony stopped over to get a box of his stuff and played a little with Rufioh.

The weirdest thing was going to the Elks to use the bathroom and Jerry hugging me and telling me we're friends and he wants a one-on-one and me telling him that my decision doesn't mean I am upset with anyone at the lodge personally just the way things are in general.

An interest and fun and tiring day in all!

Done with the Elks

Today, after work, I emailed Jerry, Tony, Evelyn, Bud and John that I resign from office and quit my membership. I've had enough of the childish games they play and I don't want any part of it anymore.

Went to Roseann's for movie night. Carol Cleracuzio  came too. We watched Vertigo and ate pizza and had a great time!

Derby Day early tomorrow. I have to be there by 6 a.m. so I'm heading to bed.

Angry

Probably for a stupid reason but I am so tired of contracts and being screwed out of money. I stupidly joined The Edge gym a year ago. First I only went for a total of half an hour the entire year and secondly I thought the contract was for a year. But it was two years. No I didn't read it. I'm silly enough to believe if a company sees you are not ever using their services, they'd let you cancel out. But no, they won't. So for the next year and one month they will be taking $21/month from me. Money that should buy my groceries because my pay might not stretch beyond housing/utilities/car gas/insurance. I am so angry!

Oh yeah. Anthony asked me if I really was not going to go to Florida ever. I said no, I would not go there. Carol asked even for the wedding. I said even if someone died or had babies or whatever. No. I can't go there. So he told me then I'd probably never see Allena again. I hate this crap.

Wednesday

Got to stay home tonight with Rufioh. He's purring and sleeping right now. Not for long! LOL!!

I hate cancer

Gina's is spreading to her brain. She's starting radiation again tomorrow. I wish I could go there to support them.

Rufio is sitting on my lap helping me type. LOL!!!

Went to the Arts Council to meet Laura and Joel. We and one other lady were the only ones to show up so Laura just took our pictures for the Derby Day program.

Lindsey's Shower

It was very nice. It was nice to be with Anna and Lisa and Uncle Dotsie's Karen and Claudia and my sister.

Oh -- Today is seven years since I quit smoking. Amazing!

Nice day

I've got a kitten sleeping on my pillow right now. I hope he doesn't decide to stay up all night! And nut cups in the oven even though its really hot in here. I keep thinking today is Sunday but it's Saturday and tomorrow I have the Flag Day ceremony and Lindsey's shower -- hence the nut cups. And I also have to remember to iron my clothes for work. Hopefully I'll get up early enough to dye my hair.

Spent the day at the Historical Society. I really love that place.

Brakes going

I will stay here. I'll have rent money every month and just pray to have enough for electric, gas, and stuff. I'll shut off the cable if I have to. As long as I have internet at the very least, I'll be ok. And hopefully, after paying the necessities, I'll have money left over to eat. I don't have to go out and do things. I'd like to also have some left over for postage for cards and swaps and stuff and I have enough yarn to be able to do things for awhile. The library is my best friend for books. What more do I need? It's just trying to squeeze out the money.

I didn't feel all that great when I woke up this morning so I called in sick. Slept a few hours more and felt better. This afternoon I went and did all my laundry and went to BJs to pick up cream cheese and nuts to make nut cups for Lindsey's shower on Sunday. I also bought kitty litter. Carol is picking up Rufioh on Saturday. I hope if Louisa finds out, she won't get up set. I'll say I didn't think to tell her.

Another posting

Even when I have nothing to say, I try to post. Went to Cosmic tonight and we talked about the Curtis House thing. Donna has some great pictures that he took of her and him with her camera. Too cool.

I told Sammy I'd pick up the kitten this weekend. I don't remember if I posted that I'm getting a kitten with half a tail and his name is Rufio.

Really nothing to talk about plus I took my sleeping pill so I'd be incoherent anyway.

Meeting night

Lodge meeting tonight. Yvonne will be running it because Jerry can't be there.

I want to paint this apartment and make it all fresh. That way I'll have a nice place to live, or if I have to leave, I won't have to worry about cleaning it too much.

It's ok to jump on the couch

Why not? It's not my call though. Doesn't matter.

So tonight I have the library cooking thing and then a cultural commission meeting right after.

I'm supposed to care about jobs in Florida? Why?

I'm not being petty. I'm just trying to get used to the idea and trying to believe that I can still stay in my home without help from anyone. I'm trying to be stoic and not panic. But I don't need to hear about Florida. I hate Florida!

Of course, providing I can actually stay here, it will be a good thing. 
I need this place spotless before they leave though and painted if I can afford paint.

Back and feeling odd

The convention itself sucked -- except for two meetings and a banquet it was all tons of people eating and drinking and going from hospitality room to hospitality room. Not doing that again.

Come home to Carol telling me that she did lose her job as of July 31st and they are moving to Florida. My feelings are very mixed. I hate, hate, hate that they'll be so far away and know that I'll not see them but once a year if at all. I hate that I'll die with my Allena not knowing me. I'm not a Skyper and that's no relationship so that will be as little as possible, I'm sure. But on the other hand, Carol is miserable her and hates everyone including me. Now she'll be able to love me again for whatever good that will do. There will be no relationship

This also leaves me totally flat. I'm going to ask Anthony if he'd considering coming back and giving me as much as he can -- but at the very least the cell and car insurance money. If he can't or won't I'm going to approach Donna since it should be less than what she's paying now and there will be more room, I think. And if that doesn't work I'll have to branch out from there. If I can't find a roommate, I don't know what I'll do. I can squeeze by myself but they're attaching my pay so that means I don't eat.

I don't know. I prayed and prayed for a solution and this is the answer. So I have to have faith that whatever I need to go with this, will come. I would love to be able to stay here. I can't get another place because I'd never come up with security and stuff plus pass a credit check. God will help me. I believe that.

I wonder about social security. Supposedly I should be able to collect widow's benefits since I turned 60. I need to make an appointment with them and see what can be done. I don't want to screw up any social security that I may be able to get in six years. I'll also have to get some info from city hall -- like info on when Allen retired and his last pay, etc.