November 22

Carol honestly believes that Anthony and all of them hate her. They're going to go to Chris and Amber's for Thanksgiving and she said even if they had nowhere to go she would make up something so as not to go to theirs. She said she's never going to have holidays with them.

Why do I feel like she's repeatedly stabbing me in the heart?

This is wholely and completely in her head. If people -- anyone -- doesn't like her it's because of her attitude. I know Anthony loves her. You could see the hurt in his eyes when he says he'd love for them to go up his house and then says but I guess you won't, to Anthony 2.

I'm trying to not allow this to affect me. I don't want to sacrifice my health because of stress. My dying wish will be that she ends this and loves him. I know I won't die in peace any other way.

God help us all.

November 21

November 21, 2013 - I held my Pino  in my arms for the last time. Or really I lay on top of him while he left forever. There isn't a day that I don't miss him. But I almost missed that today was that anniversary.

November 16, 2015

I miss him so very much. :(

Diana is pregnant -- due in July. At least it's a happy day too. I cried like a baby when she called and told me. I don't know why.

November 15, 2015

Six years ago today, I couldn't envision a world without Allen in it, even though I knew he was dying. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Come 1-1:30 a.m. tonight, it will be six years since he left this world. I had no chance to say goodbye. I wasn't allowed at the wake. I wasn't allowed to see him before he died while he was still aware. I had no closure. I still don't. For the most part my life is wonderful -- I try not to allow any negativity into it. But when I think too much, like right now, I don't know how I can even be. I know he didn't love me anymore but that didn't mean I stopped loving him. I miss him so very much. Even if I only saw him in passing, at least I got to see him.

On a normal note -- I spent the day scrubbing our dead refrigerator -- the freezer works fine. Got to get Rich or Chuck to do something about it. Carol's friends Bob and Leah are going to give us their fridge when they get their new one in a few weeks -- if it fits in the apartment. In the meantime, we need this one fixed.

I also worked all day rearranging the built in cabinet by the fridge. I inventoried all our non perishables too. I'm bone tired.

November 8, 2015

RI Comic-con. I had my picture taken with Alex Kingston. --Riversong. Oh My God! Saw and spoke to others -- Barbara Eden, Margo Kidder, Lou Ferrigno, Henry Winkler (only took pictures of those two), had my picture with Lorenzo Lamas! What a great day Margaret candy I had!

Last night Cosmic had a great investigation in Naugatuck. The people were really nice. I hope we can help them.