October 30, 2016

So today would have been 40 year since Allen and I got married. How the time has flown and how much has changed. I can still remember the young girl I was and the doubts that someone really loved me that much. I remember thanking God over and over for the blessing of Allen and later my children. And then the changes came. But my love for Allen has never gone away. Not even a tiny bit. If it's possible, it has grown.

The odd thing is that one of the young cops that helped at our awesome Haunted Derby Tour last night, knew my name when I said I had been married to Allen. And the tour was fantastic. Everything worked smoothly and there were minor only problems. I believe most people had a great time and I know the volunteers were awesome. And I just hope Jason McLeod sold more than two books. But it was great that he even agreed to come.

So all in all it was a great night and we made around $600 after expenses. I hope we get to do it again and we'll make it bigger and better.

Today we had the kids' Halloween party on the Green and it turned out well too. The rain held off until after it was over.

I got a pm from Arlene saying Tommy had a massive heart attack on Monday but he was doing great. He's home and actually was preaching at church today. God is so good to all of us.

October 19, 2016

In 11 days it will be 40 years ago that I married Allen. I'm in the middle of a one person pity party. I irrationally think that if he were still alive, he would have come back to me and we'd be celebrating 40 years of marriage. I still can't wrap my head around him coming over on our 25th anniversary, only 15 years ago, and wishing me a happy anniversary and telling me he wanted me to take him out to dinner soon for our anniversary. And he was living with Renee at the time.

And over and over in my head I'm hearing the lyrics, "When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

And I never had that chance and he's dead and I miss him so much. And when is this ever going to stop? I'm 64 years old! I am living a decent and happy life. Without my Allen. Maybe there never was a My Allen. I don't know.

Every so often it all hits me and the pain is unbearable. I know it will go away. But right now, at this moment, I can't stop crying and I miss the Allen I thought he was so badly my heart feels like it's really breaking.

October 14, 2016:)

I haven't been posted. I tried to do every single day and it was  boring as hell. When you have nothing to write about, what's the point?

Today I do. So far I love my new landlord. He owns the Chinese restaurant up in the Oronoque Plaza where we used to go a lot. And Joel said he owns something like 35 properties. So he probably won't raise the rent even though he's going remodel the apartments. I would really like to move over one to where Billy and Carrie were. I don't know why but I think I will like that. Since it's empty, they're going to start working there. He also wants to do all the windows before it gets cold so that means this place needs a major overhaul.

He was in front of the house when I came home from work today and told me I could have the parking space on the side of the house. YEAH!! I'm so excited about that. No more worrying about getting hit and no more wondering who's going to plow me out!

Also the last the money from Bob's furniture came. It's only $162.00, but at least I can buy groceries and gas and have some pocket change.

Went to Panera's with Chris. She bought my food. I owe her food two times now.

Autumn is here and the colors are out and I'm in love with live.

God hears my prayers and answers them. :)

October 1, 2016

Took off from work on Thursday. Woke up with a massive headache and just called in and went back to bed.

The house has been sold and we have a new landlord. So far everything is staying the same except where to send the check and Rich is no longer property manager.

Manny jumped Colette outside and she's acting all dramatic. He was trying to play. I have to get him manners training.

Sam and Colette are smoking pot every single day and the house reeks of it -- and of course incense. I told them I better not get arrested. I'll be so freaking pissed!!

Reading The Nightmare Returns - Dark Siege, by Jason McLeod. We're doing the Haunted Derby tour again this year and I'm going to ask him to be a vendor. He said he'd be interested. We'll see.

Lots of stuff going on in Derby and I'm trying to be as involved as I can.

Today I told Sandy I still wasn't feeling well when the reality is I am dead broke. So I did accomplish a bit here. Put together all my plastic containers and put away the ones with lids. I have a ton of lids with no containers which is really odd. So those went in a bag in case the containers show up. If it's a long time and they don't show up, I'll toss them.

I also made pork loin last night and mac and cheese tonight. The season for cooking is finally here. Now all I need is grocery money and I'll be all set there. I am so behind on bills so I'm working towards getting that straightened out.

I need to deep clean the kitchen. I'm going to try to do some of that tomorrow, then the bathroom needs deep cleaning and the living room will be our craft room.