May 12,2017

Did I mention I'm going for a free Associate's degree online through the union? Well I am. And I just finished my second course, Psychology 101, with 87.84, which works out to be a B. If I had been able to take and pass one of the tests, it would have put me to 90 and given me an A. But I couldn't pass the pre test for some reason and instead of the normal five tries, the professor gave me NINE! So that means I got a zero on that test.

I finished my first course, English 101, with an 80.78, which should be a low B. So I'm rocking a B average so far.

And my Psych professor emailed me with these wonderful quotes:

As we approach the end of our time together…. Some thoughts I’ve found inspirational……Throughout the ages, people have looked for meaning and truth. These truths are searched so that people can dedicate their life down a path that will have meaning and value. There are many truths that can be determined but it is up to each person to choose the right ones based on their own personal values. There is one truth that must always be sought after-- that truth is that you must take charge of your own life for you cannot lead a life of truth if you let someone else take responsibility for your thoughts or actions. Each person must be committed to take charge of his or her own destiny for without this ownership, you will never find happiness, nor will you find your real purpose in life. You have a right if not a duty to determine your own life's path and no one else should take this away from you. You must make the decision no matter how difficult to own your own life. This decision can be very foreign and very scary, but the potential for rewards is awesome. Good having you in class; hope your continued journey is a mesmerizing one……

May 9, 2017

Been thinking so much of Lou lately. I just sat here in work and cried. I miss her. I miss her very much. I think I lost her voicemail that I had saved because I can't find it on my computer or phone. So I'll never hear her voice again. I am hurting so much.

At the end of the month it will be four years. Four years! The last words we said to each other were three days before she died. "I love you."

I don't understand why it hurts so much more than Allen dying. Maybe because she loved me and I loved her and with both of us it was unconditional. Even when I told her not to come back until she was clean, she knew I said that out of love and concern.

I think I need to start writing in here again in case anything happens to Facebook.