Thursday, November 17, 2016

November 17, 2016

34 years ago I almost lost my baby and be both almost died. But God was good and we both lived and Carol is my beautiful adult daughter. I miss and love her.

Yesterday was 7 years since Allen died. How I wish things had been different. I wish he loved me more. That we could have been the family that we were supposed to be. More importantly that he didn't get sick and die and was still alive today even if it was with Renee.

Anthony needed to give me money so he invited me up to their place for supper last night. It was a good thing because I couldn't face the sawdust. The "plumbers" came that the landlord sent to drill holes for heating vents. They did that Tuesday. They left sawdust all over the place. They left their trash from the grates. They're not done because they still have to put in a thermostat and, according to Anthony, they have to seal the grates. They are very unprofessional and quite possibly illegals. They were very nice but the entire apartment is covered in sawdust and I just can't deal with it. I'm going to borrow a shop face from Joel.

Back to the RI Comic Con - don't know if I wrote about it or not but not going to check now. I do know the one thing I forgot to mention to anyone is that as Alice Cooper was signing my picture, he was singing my name over and over. He's such a really nice guy. Not No More Mr. Nice Guy. But a very, very nice man.

Sunday, November 13, 2016

November 12, 2016

Allena turned 6 today. If they had a party, Carol didn't post anything about it. :(

Margaret and I went to Rhode Island Comic Con. I got autographs from Arthur Darvill, Billy Dee Williams, and Katy Cassidy (the Black Canary, from Arrow). Billy Dee was NOT nice. Margaret said how much she loved his movies and he barely acknowledged her. I told him I've loved his acting all my life and he didn't say a word. :(

BUT I got to meet Rory (Arthur Darville) so that made up for it. And better yet, Denny Duquette/John Winchester/the latest Walking Dead bad guy, Negan - Margaret paid $85 to get his autograph. We stood in line for 5.5 hours. I wanted to see him up close so I stayed with her. When we got up there after he signed Margaret's picture, he hugged her and then reached out and hugged me!!! Oh my God!

What an awesome day!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

November 9, 2016

And history has been made again. A Clinton lost the election and Donald Trump, a non-politician, non-lawyer, has become our president. And I am so excited and happy. I honestly believe she's evil and people I know who fight demons believe she's demonic and a devil worshiper. This has been the nastiest election in history as far as I know. And I pray that Trump will turn this country around and make us whole again.

I didn't go to work today. Woke up late so I texted them saying I was sick. So, after last time, tomorrow I might be in trouble. I honestly don't care. It always seems the rules are different for me so what happens happens. I just need this job for another year and 4 months. Then I can collect social security and find another job.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

October 30, 2016

So today would have been 40 year since Allen and I got married. How the time has flown and how much has changed. I can still remember the young girl I was and the doubts that someone really loved me that much. I remember thanking God over and over for the blessing of Allen and later my children. And then the changes came. But my love for Allen has never gone away. Not even a tiny bit. If it's possible, it has grown.

The odd thing is that one of the young cops that helped at our awesome Haunted Derby Tour last night, knew my name when I said I had been married to Allen. And the tour was fantastic. Everything worked smoothly and there were minor only problems. I believe most people had a great time and I know the volunteers were awesome. And I just hope Jason McLeod sold more than two books. But it was great that he even agreed to come.

So all in all it was a great night and we made around $600 after expenses. I hope we get to do it again and we'll make it bigger and better.

Today we had the kids' Halloween party on the Green and it turned out well too. The rain held off until after it was over.

I got a pm from Arlene saying Tommy had a massive heart attack on Monday but he was doing great. He's home and actually was preaching at church today. God is so good to all of us.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

October 19, 2016

In 11 days it will be 40 years ago that I married Allen. I'm in the middle of a one person pity party. I irrationally think that if he were still alive, he would have come back to me and we'd be celebrating 40 years of marriage. I still can't wrap my head around him coming over on our 25th anniversary, only 15 years ago, and wishing me a happy anniversary and telling me he wanted me to take him out to dinner soon for our anniversary. And he was living with Renee at the time.

And over and over in my head I'm hearing the lyrics, "When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

And I never had that chance and he's dead and I miss him so much. And when is this ever going to stop? I'm 64 years old! I am living a decent and happy life. Without my Allen. Maybe there never was a My Allen. I don't know.

Every so often it all hits me and the pain is unbearable. I know it will go away. But right now, at this moment, I can't stop crying and I miss the Allen I thought he was so badly my heart feels like it's really breaking.

Friday, October 14, 2016

October 14, 2016:)

I haven't been posted. I tried to do every single day and it was  boring as hell. When you have nothing to write about, what's the point?

Today I do. So far I love my new landlord. He owns the Chinese restaurant up in the Oronoque Plaza where we used to go a lot. And Joel said he owns something like 35 properties. So he probably won't raise the rent even though he's going remodel the apartments. I would really like to move over one to where Billy and Carrie were. I don't know why but I think I will like that. Since it's empty, they're going to start working there. He also wants to do all the windows before it gets cold so that means this place needs a major overhaul.

He was in front of the house when I came home from work today and told me I could have the parking space on the side of the house. YEAH!! I'm so excited about that. No more worrying about getting hit and no more wondering who's going to plow me out!

Also the last the money from Bob's furniture came. It's only $162.00, but at least I can buy groceries and gas and have some pocket change.

Went to Panera's with Chris. She bought my food. I owe her food two times now.

Autumn is here and the colors are out and I'm in love with live.

God hears my prayers and answers them. :)

Saturday, October 01, 2016

October 1, 2016

Took off from work on Thursday. Woke up with a massive headache and just called in and went back to bed.

The house has been sold and we have a new landlord. So far everything is staying the same except where to send the check and Rich is no longer property manager.

Manny jumped Colette outside and she's acting all dramatic. He was trying to play. I have to get him manners training.

Sam and Colette are smoking pot every single day and the house reeks of it -- and of course incense. I told them I better not get arrested. I'll be so freaking pissed!!

Reading The Nightmare Returns - Dark Siege, by Jason McLeod. We're doing the Haunted Derby tour again this year and I'm going to ask him to be a vendor. He said he'd be interested. We'll see.

Lots of stuff going on in Derby and I'm trying to be as involved as I can.

Today I told Sandy I still wasn't feeling well when the reality is I am dead broke. So I did accomplish a bit here. Put together all my plastic containers and put away the ones with lids. I have a ton of lids with no containers which is really odd. So those went in a bag in case the containers show up. If it's a long time and they don't show up, I'll toss them.

I also made pork loin last night and mac and cheese tonight. The season for cooking is finally here. Now all I need is grocery money and I'll be all set there. I am so behind on bills so I'm working towards getting that straightened out.

I need to deep clean the kitchen. I'm going to try to do some of that tomorrow, then the bathroom needs deep cleaning and the living room will be our craft room.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

September 13, 2016

Denise is 64 today. Who would have ever thought we'd be old? Logically we knew, but did we believe?

God is so good to me. He gives me everything I've ever wanted - even when I forgot I wanted it. I received a phone call today from the head docent at the Kellogg estate. She remembered talking to me, and apparently taking my number, at the Humphrey House a few years ago. She wanted to know if I would be interested in being a volunteer docent. I told her I would but the hours would have to be when I wasn't working. She said it would be perfect for the Holiday tour thing they do. I could do Friday nights - three weeks in a row - from 4-7 (I think until 7). How wonderful is that? Me, a docent! I've always wanted to do that.

And also being asked to be on the outreach committee for Derby's Downtown Redevelopment. I went to my first meeting last night.

I wish my Ruffio were still here and Manny needs manners work - biting, jumping and barking have got to go. We're working on it. He really is a good boy and I know he and Ruffie would have eventually loved each other.

Tuesday, September 06, 2016

September 6, 2016

Not a good day. It was good. Saw Blaze at the Post office and he asked if I'd like to do a little work and I said yes. Who knows if he'll pay, but maybe he will.

Got home and looked for Ruffio and when I couldn't find him I knew he had died. I was right. He's been so sick these past few weeks I'm surprised he made it this long. My poor baby. There's no way I could afford $800 and up to treat an UTI, which is what I know he had. I tried the apple cider vinegar and that didn't help although he was peeing and drinking. He wasn't eating though. Anthony made him a special herbal tonic that we were squirting down his throat and he actually seemed like he was getting better. And now he's dead. Joel buried him under the beautiful flower tree outside my bedroom window. He was only three. I miss him so much - my snotty little half tail cat.

And then the girls, who found him and had Joel take him - they've been so great with him. And they bought me supper at the Chinese buffet. Of course when we came out of there we saw a guy collapse - apparently he's epileptic and had a seizure. But his dad was there and he was ok.

And now the dog is barking and being mean and I don't know how to deal with this. I need to sleep.

Friday, August 26, 2016

August 26, 2016

So Manny's been with me three weeks today. Now he has an attitude and he pees/poops in the house. Not sure what the attitude is about and I ended up smacking him a few times because he scared me - thought he was going to bite me!! We're both working on it. Ruffio is definitely on defense mode. LOL!!

Took Manny to the dog park a few times - with no other dogs there. He likes sniffing around it.

Sandy's brother passed away on the 15th. I'm still in shock about it. He wasn't even sick then had lung cancer and died - all in the space of a few weeks.

Margaret and I went to Terrificon last Saturday and I got to meet Kirk (Kurt?) from the Gilmore Girls and Katrina Law - Nyssa Al Ghul from Arrow. SHE is amazing. Got my picture taken with both.

Tomorrow we are going to the horror fest. I don't think I know a single actor that will be there but we'll  have fun.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

August 18, 2016

Someone posted this on Facebook and it is me, plain and simple. Don't want to lose it:

I like misty autumn mornings,
And cold snowy winter nights.
Rainstorms bring me inner peace,
Thunder sets my soul alight.
I care not for summer, days -
Too long, the heavy heat.
Give me candlelight evenings,
Early darkness, a silent street.
- Natalia Crow


Sandy's brother, Andy, up and died. I can't believe it still.They said he had lung cancer but it doesn't sound like he died from it. Scary. Wake is tomorrow night - he's been cremated. Poor guy.

Manny is so smart and getting better and better. He doesn't chase the cats as much but he still pees in the house during the night or if he's alone all day. Last night I think he was mad at me because he peed AND pooped in the kitchen only two hours or so after I took him out and he did both. He's too hyper for me to let him sleep with me and he wants to so bad. Plus the heat has been horrendous. So we'll see. I love him to death already and he is so protective of me. 

Sunday, August 07, 2016

August 7, 2016

Wow! What a long weekend, literally! Started out Friday morning - Sam and I went to the Ansonia Animal Shelter and got me a dog. Jeannie gave me her favorite - Manny. He's part pitt and part lab but looks all pitt. He's a good boy except for wanting to chase Ruffio around. He knows some commands and ignores others. But he's getting better every day.

Then I had to go for follow up stuff from the last kidney blast - whenever that was. I don't even remember. Then directly to Shelton to have a tooth pulled. After the holidays I'll be getting all but four top teeth pulled and they'll be making me a partial, ugh.

Saturday I went out with Sandy for a little bit. Her brother, Andy, is probably dying, poor guy. He has lung cancer and a heart thing and God knows what else.
Then I went up to Naugy and the girls stuffed my car with their stuff and we came back and they unpacked. They slept here last night.

Today I went to Mass and then Anthony called. He wanted me to meet him at the Farmer's Market so he could talk to Michelle. We did that. I brought Manny to the Green with me and he was a very good boy.

Then the girls and I went to Naugy again to get the rest of their stuff and Sam's cats. Came back and brought Collette to work. Then picked her up from work, went to Maxine's (the old bartender from the CWV and the Elks) to pick up a bed Sam bought from her.

Finally back home for the rest of the evening. I''m exhausted.

Hoping I don't have to make Manny stay in the kitchen tonight. Can't have him in my room at night because he either tries to go after Ruffio or he won't let me sleep. But today I laid down for a bit and after making him get off the bed a few times, he stayed down.

That's the only thing I have to really worry about - him and the cats. He doesn't seem to be chasing them in a mean way, but still.

Edited to add - I forgot to say that Sam said today is six years since she moved from our house to Naugatuck. Weird coincidence!

August 7, 2016

Wow! What a long weekend, literally! Started out Friday morning - Sam and I went to the Ansonia Animal Shelter and got me a dog. Jeannie gave me her favorite - Manny. He's part pitt and part lab but looks all pitt. He's a good boy except for wanting to chase Ruffio around. He knows some commands and ignores others. But he's getting better every day.

Then I had to go for follow up stuff from the last kidney blast - whenever that was. I don't even remember. Then directly to Shelton to have a tooth pulled. After the holidays I'll be getting all but four top teeth pulled and they'll be making me a partial, ugh.

Saturday I went out with Sandy for a little bit. Her brother, Andy, is probably dying, poor guy. He has lung cancer and a heart thing and God knows what else.
Then I went up to Naugy and the girls stuffed my car with their stuff and we came back and they unpacked. They slept here last night.

Today I went to Mass and then Anthony called. He wanted me to meet him at the Farmer's Market so he could talk to Michelle. We did that. I brought Manny to the Green with me and he was a very good boy.

Then the girls and I went to Naugy again to get the rest of their stuff and Sam's cats. Came back and brought Collette to work. Then picked her up from work, went to Maxine's (the old bartender from the CWV and the Elks) to pick up a bed Sam bought from her.

Finally back home for the rest of the evening. I''m exhausted.

Hoping I don't have to make Manny stay in the kitchen tonight. Can't have him in my room at night because he either tries to go after Ruffio or he won't let me sleep. But today I laid down for a bit and after making him get off the bed a few times, he stayed down.

That's the only thing I have to really worry about - him and the cats. He doesn't seem to be chasing them in a mean way, but still.

Edited to add - I forgot to say that Sam said today is six years since she moved from our house to Naugatuck. Weird coincidence!

Tuesday, August 02, 2016

August 2, 2016

The concert tonight was awesome. Couldn't get any better. The Poprocks - which used to be Dereck and the Funbags, then That 80's Band, then That Band. Barbara Scarpa's best friend's band and now her boyfriend too. But they weren't there.

Carol, Anthony and Allen leave tomorrow. God only knows when I'll see them again. They won't miss me but I'll miss them very much.

Maybe they'll come back again. Maybe they won't. This time I think they're gone for the last time. :(

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

July 20, 2016

Well I knew it was going to happen which is why I didn't even pretend to get really used to Carol being here. They're moving to Florida in two weeks or so - August 5th. They both have jobs lined up. And Allena is thrilled too. So that's that.

I called Sammy and she's got to talk to Collette but she's positive they will move in. Along with her two cats. And since they're paying Diana $133/month each, I can ask them for a little money over the overage that I pay having other people here. That will help me a lot.

I'll miss my Carol and Anthony and Allena but Carol wasn't happy here. She shunned everyone who wanted to be around her and then said no one approached her. God help her to be happy wherever she goes.

There's major clean up that has to go on here but we'll take it as it comes.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

July 17, 2016

Baby Vienna was born July 5th. I went to see her. Beautiful baby girl. Looks a lot like James right now. A wonderful completion to a great family.

Farmer's Market started three weeks ago. It's very small because we can't advertise. We have to work on that.

Sunday, July 03, 2016

July 3, 2016

Wonderful day today. It's actually been very good lately all the way around, thank God.

Derby started a Farmer's Market on the Green. The city and the Cultural Commission signed a contract to allow this from June through October. It started last Sunday with only two farms and Marc Weissmann playing keyboard. This week was again the same two farms, Mr. Beardsley is amazing. He actually saw Helen Keller speak at the Opera House when he was 8 years old. I may have written that already. I doubt it, but if I did, it bears repeating. And he loves to talk about each and every vegetable that you're interested in. He's awesome. The other guy, not so much. He says he has to make a minimum of $300 every week. Mr. Beardsley says $50. They only paid $99 for the entire season so I don't get it.

We're looking to get more farmers and more entertainment. This week Joel just DJ'ed and I think Marc will be back next week. Tonight was the fireworks -- incredible!! And we had FB Lily. They said they'd definitely be interested in doing a farmer's market so maybe it will draw more people.

All in all it was a good day. :)

Almost forgot -- Diana is having Baby Vienna on Tuesday. Her last baby - she's getting her tubes tied. So excited. :)

July 3, 2016

Wonderful day today. It's actually been very good lately all the way around, thank God.

Derby started a Farmer's Market on the Green. The city and the Cultural Commission signed a contract to allow this from June through October. It started last Sunday with only two farms and Marc Weissmann playing keyboard. This week was again the same two farms, Mr. Beardsley is amazing. He actually saw Helen Keller speak at the Opera House when he was 8 years old. I may have written that already. I doubt it, but if I did, it bears repeating. And he loves to talk about each and every vegetable that you're interested in. He's awesome. The other guy, not so much. He says he has to make a minimum of $300 every week. Mr. Beardsley says $50. They only paid $99 for the entire season so I don't get it.

We're looking to get more farmers and more entertainment. This week Joel just DJ'ed and I think Marc will be back next week. Tonight was the fireworks -- incredible!! And we had FB Lily. They said they'd definitely be interested in doing a farmer's market so maybe it will draw more people.

All in all it was a good day. :)

Almost forgot -- Diana is having Baby Vienna on Tuesday. Her last baby - she's getting her tubes tied. So excited. :)

Saturday, June 18, 2016

June 18

Timmy called me from Indiana. He misses Allen. We talked a long, long time about both our marriages. I'm so glad he did.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

June 14

22 years since Mommy's been gone and I still miss her every day.

And in the 'real' world. Mass shooting in a gay bar in Orlando Florida on Sunday - maybe Saturday night. Over 50 people dead. By a homophobic terrorist asshole. We are planning to hold a vigil on the Green this weekend.

Car -- ours are completely totaled. I am buying a 2008 Chevy Trail Blazer from Ansonia Auto Park for too much money but they're letting me work out the down payment. I should have it this week.

My boss/friend, Judy got a divorce and moved to Florida on Friday. She started work at a university down there yesterday. Luckily my new boss, temporarily (hopefully permanently) is Pat Turner who I've known since I started here. She's been a UA all these years and is now going full time.

Allena graduated from kindergarten last week. She's grown up so fast.

I went kayaking for the first time ever and I like it. Went with Susan - we took turns in her kayak. Of course I want my own now, but that will be for maybe next year. Actually I'd need a place to keep it.

Rita wants us to rent the apartment -- I told her I can't take the chance of her kicking me out again. She said this time it would be for life. I told her we'll talk after my lease is due in February. I'd need a binding lifetime lease - notorized - if I were going to do it. I also told her if I ever leave where I am, I have to go somewhere that I can afford by myself. I know Carol and Anthony are not going to stay with me forever or me with them.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

May 22, 2016

Continuing from my Easter post. Apparently I hadn't gotten free tickets to see Nate Ruess (Fun) at that point. Margaret and I both had the email when we were up there so we both reserved them. I think it was a week later we went and took Carol and Leah with us. What a fantastic show!

Since then things have been nuts. I volunteered a tiny bit at St. Mary-St. Michael's. I helped out at one bingo. Then we got a new pastor -- Chris Tiano so I told him I want to start going back to church but want to volunteer -- a little. So he told me to come talk to him. Went this past Thursday. The rectory is so different. I miss the old one. This one is too stark. Not majestic like when I worked there. Anyway we decided I'd be volunteering in Social Justice ministry. That will be good.

Then Thursday night around quarter to 1, a woman came flying down 34, texting and driving and wiped out four cars -- including mine and Carols. Totaled ours. I had to take Friday off and we got rentals. I'm currently driving a 2016 Ford Fusion which is awesome. But when this gets taken care of (I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow) I'm going back to my old junkers.

Yesterday was Eco Fest and I'm in love with a new band - Creamery Station. It's the son of Jimmy Kader from the Bernadettes and Jimmy and Don (the harmonica player) are in it too. They are really really good.

Oh and Rita wants us to move into the apartment. I told her I can't do that - first because I have a lease (thank God!!!) and secondly  I can't take the chance of  being kicked out. She said it would be for life but I know my sister! I told her we'd talk after the holidays when my lease is close to being up.

Anthony doesn't call me or come down. I miss him so much. Carol won't let me tell him about Allena's kindergarten graduation and that's going to hurt him and the feud will continue. And I can't get involved or I'll go nuts. I hate this so much. Allen would have hated it.

And Carol has decided to become a Buddhist - which might be a good thing. Maybe that will stop her feuding with her brother. LOL!

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Easter Sunday, March 27, 2016

Good Friday night Carol, Allena and I went to Arlene's super secret 60th birthday surprise party. It was actually very nice -- Tim and Becca came up from Indiana and Tommy and the kids came from PA. Andy brought his girlfriend, Nancy, who is officially a member of the family. And we all talked and ate and had a nice time. I'm very glad I went. But for Arlene, I'd do anything.

Holy Saturday, Margaret and I went up to Mohegan and picked up our free tickets to Nate Ruess (Fun) free private concert. We played a bit and I actually broke even and then Carol and Leah met us for the concert. It was super fantastic.

Today I went to Cracker Barrel with Sandy and then to a few stores. When we got back I went up to see everyone at Diana's. Then came home, got Sam and brought her home. She did tell me she's in a real relationship with Brittany. Hear that, Lou? :) And Collette is being kicked out of her house so she's moving into Sam's room and got a job with Sam at Paneras. Sam is going to train her.

I don't think I wrote about going up to Foxwoods with Sandy for my birthday. We went to Mohegan first for breakfast and then Foxwoods. Then in the morning, on my birthday, back to Mohegan for breakfast before going home. Then I went back up to Mohegan two days later with Margaret because we had tickets to a private concert of The Monkee's. It was only Micky and Peter but it was still very good. And we stayed over, Margaret treated me to the room as a birthday gift.

So that's pretty much it. Anthony still isn't working. He said he talked to his friend that he built stables for to see if he'd give him a job working with produce on the farm. He says he'd like to do that for a few years.
Carol seems to have quit school. I overheard her telling someone on the phone. She doesn't tell me anything.

I love my kids. If only they'd love each other and put away any and all grief my life would be perfect.

Wednesday, March 09, 2016

February 9 (actually March 9)

This was in my draft - don't know why or what I planned on writing. So I'll write something.

I'm worried about my son. He lost his job when he had a shouting match with his boss in the middle of Manhattan. So now he's been trying to collect unemployment. I wish he'd get himself a good job with benefits. So far he has eight checks waiting for him IF he wins the case. Luckily I can afford the $125 or so a month that is his part of the bills. I'm more worried that he'll get into that not working rut. He needs to work or be busy at something constructive. He's such a talented man -- I wish he'd do something with his talents. Praying for my kids always. Non stop.

March 9, 2016

It's time to start writing in here every day again. I was just looking over old posts and some I never even elaborated on and I don't know why I wrote what I did.

I do know that life is good. God is good to me no matter what. My kids are healthy, as far as I know. I love having Carol, Anthony and Allena living with me, but if the time comes where they decide to move or buy a house, and I can't go, it's ok.

I plan on being in my little place as long as I can. When the time comes to leave -- I will need a place where I can have gas heat, gas stove, my Ruffio and one or two rescue dogs -- preferably pits. I need a dog badly. I miss Pino so much and I know there're dogs just pining away waiting for someone to love them.

Anyway I am trying to crochet a hippy shawl but the pattern is so effed up it's ridiculous. I don't know how Monica is managing but she's made tons of them. Now she needs help because she's getting more and more orders. My sample one will be ugly as heck but I've been rewriting the pattern as I go. I have had help from at least five Ravelry members -- out of all the people who have paid for this pattern and made it -- only one or two have been able to do it as is. The rest have all had to redo different parts. I have yarn coming in the mail to make a real one so I need to get this straightened out fast!!

Sunday, February 14, 2016

February 14, 2016

Zero degree weather yesterday and today - and teens. Real New England winter.

Lina Lucarelli passed away. There will be some great pizza in Heaven.

I finished knitting my first real sock. Hope to start the next one tomorrow.

Got a new phone the other day. Went to a Galaxy Note 5. Still getting used to not having an Iphone.

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

February 9

Apparently everything is back to normal. No apologies or anything - just like nothing ever happened. I can live with that. But that doesn't mean that I think they will stay even though they talk like they are. So I'm very grateful that I can afford my place by myself and that I can die alone there.

Tomorrow begins Lent and it's also Sammy's 20th birthday. Time flies too fast.

Ok. Lent. Can I do it? Fish (or no meat) tomorrow and on all Fridays. That's easy enough. Just have to remember. No in between snacks - I don't snack in between too often, but I will have to remember to have breakfast. Three meals a day. And, if at all possible, healthy food. We'll see if I even remember. I hope I do.

Sunday, February 07, 2016

February 7

So yesterday I went to Tom and Liz's for a few hours and had a very nice time.

Came home and as far as I knew, the plans were still the same for today. No, I don't watch the Superbowl, I glance at it now and then but eat and enjoy the company of who I'm with. I was kind of excited since this was going to be our first 'family' munchie/tv time in years.

This morning I get up and Carol says they're going to Bob and Leah's. Anthony informs me that I hate football and have said it many times. WTF? and of course a huge shouting match ensues. I've insulted his intelligence twice now and I'm no good and I'm a bitch, etc. I told him if he didn't like it to leave. I am deadly serious. He said they were going to leave and said I could die along and said my son was - I can't remember what but not good.

So now I understand completely that he's pretended all this time to like Anthony and me and probably because they needed my help. I won't do this and I can't. I want to live my life without negativity and in peace.

So if they stay -- I doubt they can leave right away plus they need my car -- I'll pretend everything is normal but I will not let myself get fooled again. If they leave -- nothing I can do about it. As long as they pay me what they owe me, I don't care.

I can  not and will not live with my stomach in knots again. And this WILL be the last time ever. As much as I love them, I will not put my health at risk for them. And I will NOT be stupid ever again.

Tuesday, February 02, 2016

February 2

St. Blaise Day. I was going to go to Mass Sunday but didn't sleep half the night and slept through going to Mass after coming home from dropping Sam at work for 5 a.m. She is working at our Panera's. After Sam got out of work, she, Carol, Allena and I went to the Book Barn. Love that place.

So I decided to take off yesterday and today. For some reason I just want to stay home and go nowhere. Period. I didn't go to the library coloring thing Monday night and I'm not going to Treasured Time tonight. I wish I could retire!!

The weather has been soooooooooo weird. More spring or autumn than anything else. We had that one snowstorm last weekend and that was that. Today was 50 and Anthony and I ran to the store and I had a t-shirt on. I mean look at Christmas -- t-shirt and sandals. VERY weird.

Monday, January 25, 2016

January 25

We had our first snowstorm of the year (actually of the whole winter season) Saturday. So it was a nice cozy stay-in-the-house kind of day. I felt really bad because Anthony shoveled the walkway on our side where we go out, over and over and over. Billy didn't come out. Joel went with Rich. Chuck plowed that walk yesterday morning when there was nothing left to plow. AND he plowed out some lady up the street's car but Anthony had to shovel mine out. WTF? As much as I love my apartment, I'm so ready to move from there. I'm going to try to find someone with a plow that I can throw a few dollars to so they'll do our parking areas. Ant is really pissed. Can't blame him.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

January 13, 2016

Winter still hasn't arrived. We had a little flurry last night but that's it. A few cold days but I really did wear sandals at Christmas. Weird.

I'll probably be in here sporadically. Mainly to list what I'm reading. Nothing really going on in my life although I will be trying to help out with Treasured Time - the adult version of Make a Wish. And I unfriended -- in life and in Facebook -- Susan and Ian. I can't take their radical Korean dog thing. If Koreans want to eat dogs and cats, it's their right. I told them to concentrate and getting them to humanely raise and kill them but they're all off in their weirdo world. I don't need that or their mentality. Now they eat NO meat. And I'm not that much of a meat eater but hot damn they're nuts!!

Anthony got fired -- in Manhattan of all places. Hopefully he finds a decent job soon.

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

January 4, 2016

I guess I'm going back to my old ways of not posting at all. I want to post. I did good last year up until Carol came home. Maybe because I'm more content? I don't know!!

Anyway today is the 4th day of the new year and winter is finally getting here. No snow yet but it's not 65 degrees anymore like it's been. I still can't believe I spent Christmas wearing short sleeves and sandals!!

So far Laney Bug is liking school. That's good. I went to Sandy's as usual on New Year's Eve. We didn't do Beckett because she wasn't feeling well. I had taken the day off from work so I just stayed home. Went to Tom's Saturday night and got totally shit-faced from his wonderful home made Italian wine. Daddy would be so proud of him!!

Kidneys seem to be doing good since the last procedure. I still have to get together with Dr. Rivera for follow up and to see how to prevent further issues.

Somehow I managed to read 22 books in 2015. I'd like to do at least 26 books a year but 22 isn't bad at all. Carol and I are planning a trip to the Book Barn pretty soon.

Last year I had some firsts -- hiking, seeing  a live hockey game, making it into the Wolf Den. I went to a bunch of Cons and met some people. Especially Alex Kingston (Riversong) who I adore. This year I hope to do much more. I will go to the Wolf Den on February 19 to see Home Free again. This time I'll be there very early and spend the day in line if I have to.