Back and feeling odd

The convention itself sucked -- except for two meetings and a banquet it was all tons of people eating and drinking and going from hospitality room to hospitality room. Not doing that again.

Come home to Carol telling me that she did lose her job as of July 31st and they are moving to Florida. My feelings are very mixed. I hate, hate, hate that they'll be so far away and know that I'll not see them but once a year if at all. I hate that I'll die with my Allena not knowing me. I'm not a Skyper and that's no relationship so that will be as little as possible, I'm sure. But on the other hand, Carol is miserable her and hates everyone including me. Now she'll be able to love me again for whatever good that will do. There will be no relationship

This also leaves me totally flat. I'm going to ask Anthony if he'd considering coming back and giving me as much as he can -- but at the very least the cell and car insurance money. If he can't or won't I'm going to approach Donna since it should be less than what she's paying now and there will be more room, I think. And if that doesn't work I'll have to branch out from there. If I can't find a roommate, I don't know what I'll do. I can squeeze by myself but they're attaching my pay so that means I don't eat.

I don't know. I prayed and prayed for a solution and this is the answer. So I have to have faith that whatever I need to go with this, will come. I would love to be able to stay here. I can't get another place because I'd never come up with security and stuff plus pass a credit check. God will help me. I believe that.

I wonder about social security. Supposedly I should be able to collect widow's benefits since I turned 60. I need to make an appointment with them and see what can be done. I don't want to screw up any social security that I may be able to get in six years. I'll also have to get some info from city hall -- like info on when Allen retired and his last pay, etc.