She asked for me

Lou is going home to be with Lianna and Lilliana very soon. I got a call around one that it was time to go say goodbye. The boys asked her if she wanted them to call anyone and she asked for me. For me. This is so crazy. I HATE cancer. I HATE it!

I left work -- thank God for Paulette -- and I went right to Shelton to Hewitt. She's getting morphine every hour and atavan. But when I got there I told her I love her and she managed to say "I love you." She didn't speak again. We think she can still hear us but not respond.

I am home now and will go to work in the morning and right to Hewitt afterwards. I am praying that this ends soon but I would like to be there when she goes. I told Dorian to call me if anything happens, even in the middle of the night. If I really have to take off tomorrow, I will. It's just that Missy will be out and I hate leaving Paulette in the lurch.

Darryl said she wants no service or anything. She just wants to be cremated and have her ashes mixed with Lianna's and spread somewhere nice. I'd like to be there too when they do that, wherever it is. We've so many years together and love that never ended.

I fucking HATE cancer!