Six years ago today, I couldn't envision a world without Allen in it, even though I knew he was dying. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Come 1-1:30 a.m. tonight, it will be six years since he left this world. I had no chance to say goodbye. I wasn't allowed at the wake. I wasn't allowed to see him before he died while he was still aware. I had no closure. I still don't. For the most part my life is wonderful -- I try not to allow any negativity into it. But when I think too much, like right now, I don't know how I can even be. I know he didn't love me anymore but that didn't mean I stopped loving him. I miss him so very much. Even if I only saw him in passing, at least I got to see him.
On a normal note -- I spent the day scrubbing our dead refrigerator -- the freezer works fine. Got to get Rich or Chuck to do something about it. Carol's friends Bob and Leah are going to give us their fridge when they get their new one in a few weeks -- if it fits in the apartment. In the meantime, we need this one fixed.
I also worked all day rearranging the built in cabinet by the fridge. I inventoried all our non perishables too. I'm bone tired.
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