Stupid

Why do I left myself believe things are ok when they really aren't ever.First I get Rita bitching because THEY left the toilet seat up and Pino drank and then wet himself. And it's sooooo unsanitary, etc., etc., etc. While at the same time she has her dogs who use newspaper in the kitchen AND the male dog uses the legs of the table and the side of the recliner that's in the kitchen that reeks so badly of dog pee that you taste it in your food if you eat in the kitchen.

Then Sam tells me her and Jake and his mom are going to the Rhode Island Comic Con for the weekend. I wanted to go so badly and  she knew it and they don't ask me. Why do I let myself care so badly that I'm crying?

Next year the three of them can go to NY themselves and I'll go whatever day they're not going. I'm too stupid and let myself fall into the lie of believing that I matter when in reality I don't. It gets proven over and over and over again.

I'll figure out how to be happy doing things by myself. I was foolish enough to think that Sam might want to do some more stuff together, especially after this weekend.

Fuck it.

Later: When I got home she didn't say anything and obviously Pino hadn't puked anymore. I don't want to be down or depressed or negative. Got to try harder. Things will work out with her, with Sam, with everything. God does listen to my prayers.

Laura and Joel and Laura's mom, Monica and I went to Eric's service. What a nice service it was and his aunt and sister are so broken up but happy that he had so many friends. I'm so glad I went. He was cremated and his ashes are going to be secretly scattered in a place he absolutely loved.